


A Human's Guide to Surviving the Devildom

by StormingCipher



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, MC has a past, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormingCipher/pseuds/StormingCipher
Summary: Evelyn, a seemingly happy, sarcastic, and takes crap from nobody, arrives to the Devildom thinking all she has do is not get eaten by demons, get decent grades, and go back home.  As the year progresses, she starts questioning everything about her human life before the exchange program.  Unraveling thousand year old demon drama, and 20 years of human trauma, is she really capable of surviving?
Relationships: Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Asmodeus/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character/Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character/Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 26





	1. Welcome to the Devildom

To be honest, I thought I was tripping. I was running on two hours of sleep, seven cups of coffee, and... I honestly can't remember what else.

The floor underneath my ass was stone cold. Perhaps because it _was_ stone in the first place. As I glance up, I notice the room I _magically_ appeared in looked like a court room. Stone walls covered me on all sides, four men sit upon four of the seven oaken judges stands in front of me with evenly spaced candelabras with the chief seat just behind and above the judge seats. Seven tall, thin windows look out into the evening with a large moon shining down on the courtroom. Seven purple tapestries with gold trim display various creatures above each of the judges’ seats.

And, as I take it all in, I can't help but think that this courtroom really likes the number seven.

"Welcome to the Devildom, Evelyn." A cheerful voice coming from the chief's seat booms throughout the court room.

"...Oh, pardon me. Feeling a bit shocked, are we?" He frowns, a worried look crossing his face.

Apparently, my lack of self-care hasn't affected my vision as I see this man very clearly and, holy shit, he's hot as hell.

"Well, that's understandable. You've only just arrived, after all." He continues. "As a human, it will probably take a little while for you to adjust to things here in the Devildom..."

Devildom?

I must be tripping.

Opening my parched lips I croak out a response: "Is this a dream...?"

When was the last time I had something to drink?

He laughs. "Hmm... what a very _human_ thing to say."

Pardon? Sir, are you _not_ human?

I squint at him, his yellow eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Outstanding. I have a feeling you might be just the sort of person we're looking for. I suppose I should start by introducing myself. My name is Diavolo."

Diavolo...isn't that Italian for devil or something?

"I am the ruler of all demons, and all here know of me."

My focus starts drifting and, to my right, I spot a balcony.

"And someday soon, I will be crowned king of the Devildom."

Maybe I can make a run for it. Oh god, I hope it's not locked.

"This-" I snap my head back to the man, Diavolo, as he continues, sweeping his arm around, "is the Royal academy of Diavolo..."

Did you just name this building after yourself?

"...though we just call it RAD."

Lovely, an acronym that will leave the boomers lost.

"You're standing inside the assembly hall, the very heart of RAD. This is where we officers of the student council hold our meetings and conduct our business. I’m the president of said council.”

Well, no shit Sherlock. I just _couldn’t_ tell with your _red_ uniform coat which stands out amongst _everything_. I take a brief glance at the other men to confirm that this guy stands out _because_ of his coat.

“Why am I here?” I manage to utter another sentence without my whole body failing on me.

“I will explain everything to you.” A man, who sat on the far-left seat, stands. His black locks with silver tips swaying with every movement.

“Evelyn, this is Lucifer. He is a demon and the Avatar of Pride. He’s also the vice president of the student council and my right-hand man…and not just in title, I assure you.” Diavolo smiles at the black-haired man, Lucifer. “Beyond that, he’s also my most trusted friend.”

Lucifer shakes his head and frowns. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Diavolo.”

I squint at the both of them. Somehow, my brain made the brilliant connection that there is more than just friends going on between them.

God, I’m tired.

“Speaking on behalf of the entire student body at this great and storied school of ours, I offer you a most heartfelt welcome, Evelyn.” Lucifer smirks.

“Geez, thanks Satan,” I utter as I get to my feet. “Now, answer my question.”

Lucifer frowns for a split second before returning to that smug smirk.

“…Interesting. This one is quite different from Salmon.”

…I think I’m hearing things. Did he just say Salmon?

“Diavolo believes that we demons should start strengthening our relationship with both the human world and the Celestial Realm. As a first step toward this goal, we’ve decided to institute an exchange program. We’ve sent two of our students to the human world and two to the Celestial Realm and we’re welcoming four students to our school: two from your world and two from the Celestial Realm.”

“Celestial Realm is heaven, right?” I ask.

I’m usually very smart and on top of things, especially with my, er, life. However, right now, I feel utterly stupid, slow, and incompetent.

“Yes,” Lucifer says, “so, I take it you’ve probably put two and two together at this point, right? _You’ve_ been chosen from among the people of the human world to participate in this program of ours. _You are our newest exchange student_.”

Well, fuck.

“Your period of stay is one year. You will have to work on the tasks that you will receive from RAD. After one year, you will write a paper about your exchange here in the Devildom.”

“Erm, excuse me? You demon!” I exclaim, shocked. I left my schoolwork and paper writing back home! I don’t need to be yeeted to an unknown world and expected to write a _goddamn paper_!

“What do you hope to gain pointing that out to me?” He smirk grows as my expression grows in horror, then anger.

“Don’t glare at me like that. It’s not like I will abandon you all by yourself here in the Devildom. You need someone to look after you, and I think that someone should be my brother Mammon.”

This dude’s got brothers? Shit.

“He’s the Avatar of Greed and…how should I put it…?” He frowns, brow furrowing as if he just smelled something bad. “Oh well, you’ll understand soon enough.” His facial features rearrange themselves into a pitying expression.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Walking down the three steps that led up to the judge chairs, he approached me, gloved hand outstretched.

“Here,” he said, “take this device. It’s called a D.D.D. It’s a lot like the cell phones of your world.”

Yup, sure does.

“This will be yours to use for as long as you’re here.”

Haha, idiot! I now can call the police and tell them I’ve been kidnapped by a bunch of ya-hoos.

“Unfortunately, you can’t contact the human realm with it.”

Ah, fuck.

Wait, how did he know my train of thought?

Oh well, back to escaping out the balcony.

Which reminds me, why haven’t I done that yet?

“Now, go ahead and try calling Mammon with it.”

And in that moment of greatness, I sprint for the balcony and slam face first into closed, locked, glass doors. The doors rattled as I collided into them and settled as I lay on my back, rubbing my poor nose. I roll onto my feet and look up at Lucifer, who has that smug smirk on his face and a raised eyebrow.

Fuck you.

Sighing, I unlock my D.D.D. It looks and works just like a normal smart phone back in “my world.” Scrolling through my contacts I find the name Mammon and tap on it. The screen shows the picture of a man with tanned skin, white hair and yellow tinted sunglasses as it rings. On the fifth ring, he picks up.

“Yooo,” he says. He sounds pretty boyish.

“Yooo,” I reply.

“Are ya foolin’ around? Who the hell are ya?”

"A human.” I deadpan.

“Whaaa? A human?”

Is this guy just as sleep deprived as I am?

“Geez, I was getting’ all chilly here thinkin’ it was Lucifer again. Ya should’ve told me right away.” He scoffs.

“Then maybe you should learn how to properly say hello.” I reply. I hear a snicker from somewhere in the council room as I say that.

“Oi! Don’t you know that I’m the Great Mammon?! So, what business does a human got with _The_ Mammon?”

Did you just say your own name? Dude, what is wrong with you?

“You’ll be in charge of me from now on. Good luck.”

“No way!” He immediately objects. “There’s nothin’ in it for me. Whaddya even mean by “be in charge of you”?

“Aah!” he says, a gasp of recognition coming from him as if he just solved the hardest equation in all of history. “I get it now, you’re the other human-the new exchange student.”

When Diavolo says that he’s the prince and he wishes to bring peace among the realms by bringing in students from both realms to their school, I kind of expect people to know about this shit.

“G’luck with that, see ya.” He says dismissively.

Erm, excuse me?!

And, for some reason, in that moment, I blurt out, “Lucifer called for you.”

I glance up and see Lucifer walk over to me.

“Pfft, whatever. Ya think _The_ Mammon would listen to ya just ‘cause you’re tryin’ to scare me with that name?”

Lucifer plucked the D.D.D out of my hand and said, “You’ve got 10 seconds…9…8…”

“Yessir!” Mammon screams from the other end. I imagine him saluting on the other end, and with that, Mammon hangs up.

* * *

“Sounds like you had a nice chat.” Lucifer says, handing me my D.D.D back.

“I would’ve preferred you, Lucifer.” I say honestly. I’m just tired.

“You look even more worried now, huh.”

If my tired face looks like worry, then sure.

“Well, if you were suddenly brought to a strange place and then get told that an unfamiliar face will not take care of you, you’d certainly feel anxious.” Diavolo pipes up. “However, Mammon isn’t the only one to help you out.”

Oh yeah, Lucifer’s “brothers”. How many does he have anyway?

“Now then, we still need to introduce our new friend to your brothers, Lucifer. And it’s probably better that you do that instead of me, wouldn’t you say?”

Lucifer sighs, a look of exasperation crossing his features. “Yes…as much as I _dread_ the idea of doing so, you’re right.”

“Oh, come now. _Really_? You should be honored that you get to introduce such a _sweet_ and _charming_ little brother like me!” A new voice piped up. It sounded pretty high, compared to the others. Including Mammon.

"This one here is Asmodeus.” Lucifer gestures to the strawberry blonde sitting on a throne. “He’s the fifth eldest and the Avatar of Lust.”

“Wh…I can’t believe you just totally ignored what I said!” A look of displeasure crossing his feminine-esque features. “And not only that, you referred me as _this one_. How rude!”

“Hmph. At least he didn’t ignore you altogether. How do you think I feel?” Another voice, seated to strawberry blonde’s right, sighed, shaking his blonde locks.

"That one there is Satan, the fourth eldest of us. At first glance, he may seem like a responsible demon with a good head on his shoulders, but looks can be deceiving.” Lucifer continues.

“Aha, so _I’m_ that one, am I? Nice to meet you, Evelyn. I am Satan, the Avatar of Wrath.” His smile was cat-like. Dangerous. Predatory.

Maybe he still remembers my comment about Lucifer being Satan.

Ahhhhh, I’m screwed!

Where did my self-control go?!

Quick, Evelyn, stop feeling drowsy.

I slap myself hard across the face, a loud _smack_ resounding through the hall.

I’m awake now and I can feel the aching and bruising of my body. I probably just added an extra bruise to my face.

The demons look at me in surprise as I rub my face.

“I apologize, I’ve been incredibly rude throughout all this. I’m just _really_ tired. So um, can you tell me a little more about…” Quick, think of someone to take their attention away from me! “…the Avatar of Lust?”

“That’s right!” Asmodeus says, quite pleased as wiggles in his chair. “It pretty much sums up what I’m about!” He opens his eyes, a sultry look crossing his features. “Including my power. Let me give a little demonstration! Evelyn, could you gaze into my eyes for a moment? It’s okay, I won’t hurt you.” His voice becomes more and more gentle, coaxing. “Come on, don’t be shy…”

“I’ll pass, thanks…” I wave my hand and shake my head.

“What? You mean you don’t want to?” A look of utter surprise sadness blooms across his face. “Hmph, you’re no fun at all.”

“I should probably warn you, Evelyn: you’d best be wary of Asmodeus’s gaze.” Satan said, looking smug as hell. “He can charm and manipulate people and use them to his own advantage. If you’re not careful, he’ll charm you. And once you’re under his spell, _he’ll eat you_.” Satan’s features darkened at the last sentence.

Sounds absolutely charming.

"Hey, don’t go around saying things like that…” Asmodeus murmurs.

Lucifer sighs, crossing his arms. “Are you done?”

The other two nod.

“Now,” Lucifer continues, placing his right hand over his chest, “the one there with the very grumpy look on his face is Beelzebub. The sixth oldest.”

The last one, the tall man that looked like he was built like a tank, said, “Lucifer, I’m hungry.”

"That’s too bad. Now behave yourself.” Lucifer says sternly.

Awww, now I wish I _had_ food on me to give to him.

A look akin to a kicked puppy appears as he says, “I’m Beelzebub, the Avatar of Gluttony.”

“So, there are seven of us brothers in all, and I am the eldest.” Lucifer crosses his arms, sounding pleased with that fact. “Mammon, the second oldest of us, will be here soon. My other brothers aren’t here at the moment, but…well, we can get to them later. All in good time.”

“During your stay in the Devildom,” Diavolo pipes up, “the seven brothers will lend you their strength. To keep you safe, you are to stay with them at the House of Lamentation.”

“The House of Lamentation?” I echo. Sounds familiar…

“Yes, it’s where I live with my brothers. It is a rather spacious house, and it was originally a cursed house in the human world, so I assume it won’t be a problem for you-a human-to live there.” Lucifer says.

Really? If I were weak, then I would be scared shitless. However, a haunted house sounds like a picnic compared to my home.

“Although we all will be living together, you should still have the means to reach us at any given time. All of our phone numbers are already in there. And your D.D.D also has a messaging app. Make sure to add all of us”

I feel slightly tempted to delete all the contacts.

“I’ll go ahead and send you a message!” Diavolo says cheerfully, bringing out his own and tapping on it.

“Isn’t that nice, Evelyn. Now you will be friends with the future king of the Devildom!” Satan smiles with, what I note, is sarcasm.

A ping comes from my own D.D.D and I turn the screen on. Diavolo sent me a message.

Diavolo: _This is my account._

Diavolo: _Feel free to send me a message at any time._

Diavolo: Angry bird sticker

Diavolo: _Oh sorry._

Diavolo: _I haven’t gotten used to this yet._

Diavolo: _You see, Lucifer is the only demon who sends me messages…_

How sad.

Diavolo: Sends happy black cloaked, purple demon

Diavolo: _That’s the one I wanted to send you!_

I scroll through stickers and send one with the same black cloaked purple demoji (demon emoji?) sticker but with a ‘Thanks.’ written across the top with a pink floral background.

Diavolo: Sends black hooded, red demoji with yellow background saying ‘Whoo!’

“Well, you’ve got that done now, and it seems the idiot has arrived as well.” Lucifer sighs, his face drawn in worry.

The doors to the courtroom open with a loud _thud_ and even louder voice.

“Hey!” Mammon shouts, white locks shaking as he strides toward me. “Just _who_ do you think you are, human? You’ve got a lotta nerve summoning _The Great Mammon_!” He pokes a finger in my chest. “Listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once. If you value your life, then you’ll hand over all of your money now!” He pauses, then adds, “and anything else of value, too! Otherwise I’ll wipe that stupid, happy-go-lucky look right off of your face…”

What happy-go-lucky look? My eyebags?

“…by eatin’ you! Startin’ at your head and working my way down, until-“

I’ve had enough of this.

Taking out my wallet, he seems to shut up, a surprised look crossing his face as he sees it. As if his demands are actually met for the first time in forever. Instead of handing it over, however, I start smacking him with my wallet.

“Gah, quit it!” He shouts as he bats my arm away.

Lucifer chuckles behind me before clearing his throat and saying, “Mammon, shut up or I’ll punch you!”

A loud _smack_ once again echoes throughout the student council room.

“Gah, oww! Hey, what’s the big idea?!” Mammon groans, rubbing his head where Lucifer literally punched him. “I thought you were actually gonna give me _a chance_ to shut up before punching me!”

“Evelyn, Mammon here is the Avatar of Greed,” Satan says, trying to keep himself from bursting out into laughter. “He governs and oversees all forms of it. Whenever he takes a liking to someone, they suddenly find themselves awash in money. But from what I hear, it he decides to break it off with someone, that wealth evaporates. They’re left without a Grimm to their name.”

Back at my home, we call money “dollars”.

“And he’s also a masochist. That part’s important.” Asmodeus says, pleased with himself about knowing that.

I, however, could have lived not knowing that tidbit.

“Indeed. And it just so happens I have a job for my masochist of a brother.” Lucifer says.

“Y’all, stop telling lies!” Mammon whines, “I ain’t asked for that punch, and I _ain’t_ a masochist!”

"Mammon, _you_ are going to be in charge of seeing to this human’s needs during the whole exchange. I expect your full cooperation.”

“What?!” Mammon’s head snaps up. “Why me?!”

“Aww, lucky you, Mammon! I’m so jealous…” Asmodeus frowns.

“All right, then why don’t _you_ ,” he nods his head towards the strawberry blonde, “do it, Asmodeus?!”

“What? Hell no, too lazy.” Asmodeus sighs, examining his nails.

“I thought you said you were jealous of me?!”

“Just give up, Mammon. There’s no getting out of this.” Satan said. “You know you can’t refuse a direct command from Lucifer, correct?”

“But, why does it have to be me?! What about Beel. Why can’t he do it?!”

To be honest, you should just give up Mammon. Whining will just get you another smacking.

“This isn’t a job we can entrust to Beel. We might as well ask him to _eat_ this human.” Asmodeus nods to the orange-haired giant.

“Mm, yeah. I can’t promise I wouldn’t.” Beel grumbles.

Sounds comforting.

“You’re useless, you know that?!” Mammon shouts.

“…Mammon?” Lucifer says calmly.

“…Wh-What?” Mammon gulps.

I gulp along with him. Even though I know it isn’t directed at me, it sends chills up my spine.

“ _Surely,_ you’re not going to tell me that you object to this arrangement, are you?” The air around Lucifer shifts and warps with his words.

“Ugh…I hate you guys! Every last one of ya!” Mammon snorts. “Fine… _fine_! I’ll do it, okay?!” Mammon turns to me. “All right, _human_ ,” he spits the word at me, “listen up. As much as I don’t want to look after you, I’ve got no choice. It’s a huge pain in the ass, and I’m too important for this kind of thing, but _Lucifer_ told me to do it, so I will. But in return, you better make sure you don’t cause me any trouble, got it?!”

I stare up at this man, demon, who’s a full foot taller than me, and smirk.

“All right, deal.” I say, not meaning a single word.

“Good, that’s what I want to hear. As long as you do as I say, we won’t have any problems.”

It seems that his brothers were right, he isn’t the brightest light bulb in the box.

"Just be sure you don’t forget which one of us is the boss here.” Mammon continues.

"We have decided who will take care of you, so on the to the next subject: your tasks.” Lucifer says.

“Tasks?” I blink.

"Good question. Your task is to polish up your soul nicely and to acquire the power to resist demons.”

To be honest, I would say my soul is more shattered than “polished nicely”.

“It’s okay to resist?”

“Demons like humans with nice souls. Let me put it another way. Nice souls look like shiny jewels. Do you understand now? Demons will use their wisdom and abilities to tempt the humans so they van get their hands on their souls. Other demons at RAD also have tasks assigned to them just like you. In other words, either humans will be tempted by demons, or demons will lose against the shiny and noble soul of a human and make a run for it. You could say it is an experiment to find out who will win.” Lucifer shrugs.

“What happens if I win?” I really want to know.

“Let’s see…I will prepare some rewards to make sure you give it your all. There, there, don’t give me that look. Don’t take it so seriously. May I see your D.D.D?”

Curious, I hand him my D.D.D. He unlocks it and shows me an app called “Tasks” and an app called “Nightmare”. Apparently, you draw cards with the brothers on them and use these cards to complete levels in “Tasks” in the form of a dance battle.

Lucifer was right, I shouldn’t take this seriously.

“With that, my explanation has come to a close. But to sum it up for you, you will be an exchange student here at RAD for one year, and you must do your tasks. Your tasks consist mainly of dance battles. Level up the cards to advance through the levels and you can draw more cards in nightmare. When your exchange period comes to an end, you are to submit a paper about your stay here in the Devildom. It’s as easy as pie, don’t you think?” Lucifer smirks, finished with the explanation.

“I wanna make one thing clear right now: Don’t blame me if someone gets eaten, ‘cause it ain’t my fault.” Mammon states, waves his hands about.

“Lucifer, I’m hungry.” Beel groans.

“That’s too bad. Now, behave yourself.”

“Let’s make it a year to remember!” I say, plastering on a smile as I say this.

The exchange program doesn’t sound so bad, now that I think about it. Sounds better than home…

“You…sure are a positive one.” Mammon utters. “Whelp, I won’t stop ya from havin’ some fun.”

“Evelyn, from now on you will be living in the House of Lamentation. You’ll be staying there with Lucifer and his six younger brothers. Humans, angels, demons, I imagine a universe where each accepts the other. Where we are brought together as friends. This is my dream, and I’m asking you to be the foundation for it. One year, that’s what I ask of you. Good luck, Evelyn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First ever work here on Archive of our own. I love Obey me and wanted to make my own take on it. I have this awful case of writers block with some of my other works and don't know where to start, so I thought I could create this in hopes I can get my gears turning. Tags will be added as I continue making this book, but I just covered the very "basics". This story will be following the main storyline for the most part, but I will be adding in my own twists. The only thing I own is this story and Evelyn, everything else belongs to NTT Solmare.


	2. What the Hell is TSL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mammon ditches Evelyn and she makes a plan with an otaku.

“Ugh, I don’t believe this. Of all the rotten luck…”

Rotten luck indeed. For the past ten minutes, the walk from RAD to the House of Lamentation was filled with Mammon’s loud-mouthed whining.

“Why should I have to look after some human? It’s insulting, that’s what it is!” Mammon continues. “That rotten bastard… Does he really think he can scare me into doin’ whatever he wants? Just so we’re clear…it’s not like I can’t say no to Lucifer, okay?! I only agreed to babysit you because, um… Well you know, because…uh…”

“Cat got your tongue, or you just can’t find another excuse to say no?” I muttered.

" _Anyway_ , it doesn’t matter!” Mammon said, even louder than before. “Just don’t go thinking that I’m scared of Lucifer or anything! Because I’m _not_!”

Rolling my eyes, I sigh and decide to throw a dog a bone.

"I know that.” I reply sarcastically.

Okay, maybe I’m throwing the dog a wrapper.

“…Oh. Okay then, as long as we’ve got that straight.” Mammon blinks, placated.

I stare at him. I was being sarcastic! But…it got him to shut up.

Mental note: be nice to Mammon to get him to shut up.

“Ugh, whatever. Let’s move on.”

We arrive and stop in front of a large house (mansion, it’s a mansion) surrounded by stone walls 7 feet high and a iron gate. Gravestones litter the front yard, a dead tree on the right side. The mansion itself was made of stone with dark brown shingles that seem to be falling apart. The house itself curves at a 45 degree angle a around the pathway leading up to the stone steps toward the front door. A large dome is attached to the right side of the house.

Mammon pushes open the gate, quite for once as we walk up the steps to the front door and enter the house which is just as extravagant, and gloomy, as the outside. The foyer was covered in a dark brown carpet with two stairwells leading up to the second floor. Dragon statues perched on stone columns watch over the hallway that leads further into the house on the main floor. Random pictures of people adorn the purple wallpapered walls with candelabras on the walls and a chandelier on the ceiling to light the place up. A bulletin board pinned near the entrance has a bunch of flyers posted on it, one such advertising for a part-time job and a dollhouse resembling the House of Lamentation underneath it. Little dolls of what look like the brothers are visible inside, betraying where they can be found.

Oh, hey, there’s a doll version of me as well.

“This is the House of Lamentation. It’s one of the dorms here at RAD.” Mammon explains, gesturing around. “Well, it’s not _just_ one of the dorms. It’s the dorm reserved for student council members. Lucifer, Asmo, and the others take every chance they can get to insult me. Callin’ me scum, sayin’ that I’m a money-grubber and stuff…”

The fact that you demanded money from me when we met in person for the first time suggests that Mammon’s brothers are right. And you went right from explaining Devildom to talking about yourself. Damn, you move on fast.

“…but I’m an officer on the student council, same as them.” Mammon continues. “The elite of the elite, the _top_ of the RAD social pyramid. In other words, I’m a big shot.” Mammon smiles, pleased with himself. “A _real_ big shot. Like, even regular big shots are impressed by what a big shot I am.” He jabs a finger at me. “So don’t you go thinking that I’m just some ordinary demon. I’m nothing like those other peons walking the halls here. By the way, Diavolo is even _more_ of a big shot. He’s so important that he’s got his own castle. That’s why he doesn’t live here with us.”

Well yeah, didn’t Diavolo say he was a prince or something?

“…Anyway, the long and short of it is that us seven brothers all live here together. Now it’s time I show you to your room…” Mammon trails off, looking around then turns to me. “Hey, don’t just stand there with your jaw open. Hurry up, or I’m gonna leave ya behind. If there’s something you wanna ask me, you’d best do it now.”

“Nope, nothing in particular.” I say, shrugging. I’m so taking that part-time job though.

“Hmmph…find then.” Mammon grumbles, a sad look on his face. “Now, I’m gonna give you a piece of advice, so listen up. If you wanna survive even a day here in the Devildom, you’d better listen _real_ close to what I’m about to say. If it ever looks like a demon is about to attack you…run. Either that or die.” Mammon shrugs at the last sentence.

I really don’t want to die if this is where I end up…Eternally going to school sounds like hell and I’m sure as _hell_ don’t want my soul to be stuck here.

“How about this? I vote for _you_ to die, Mammon!” A voice screams.

“D’ah! Levi…” Mammon gulps. “Uh, l-listen up, human! This here is Leviathan, the Avatar of Envy. He’s the third oldest of us brothers. Since his name’s sorta hard to say, you can just call him Levi!” No, Leviathan is not hard to say. “Okay then, let’s move on!”

“Mammon,” Levi growls, “give me back my money. Then go crawl in a hole and die.”

“Come on, I told you I’d get it to you! I just need a little more time. And you still want me to die even after I give it back? That’s real harsh, Levi!” Mammon retorts.

“You need a _little_ more time? How much more?”

"A _little_ more, okay?! A little more means a little more!”

"You’ve been telling me that for the last 200 years, Mammon.”

Damn, Mammon’s debt has been around longer than I have.

“Hey, no! It hasn’t been 200 years! It’s been 260! Get it right, Levi!”

“How is that any better than 200?” I ask.

“Unbelievable, seriously Mammon, you’re-“ Levi continues, ignoring me.

“I’m what? _Scum_? Is that what you’re gonna say?”

“-you’re a _lowlife_ and a _waste of space_.”

Okay, that’s a little harsh to be saying that to your _own_ brother.

“Hey! Come on, that’s even worse!”

“Whatever, just give me back my money. I need it to buy the Blu-ray box set of _Journey to the Devildom: The Tale of a Little She-Devil and Her Reluctant Companion_. The initial round of copies includes promotional tickets to a live event as a special bonus.” Levi whines.

“I’ve got no idea what you’re even talking about, Levi, but it doesn’t matter! Because I don’t even have any money to give you. How am I supposed to give back money I don’t have, huh?!” Mammon throws his hands in the air in surrender.

“So then, you’re telling me you _refuse_ to pay me back?”

“…What? You looking for a fight, is that it?” Mammon puts his hands on his hips, glaring at Levi.

“So then, you actually are a lowlife, Mammon?” I say. Because, damn. A 260 year debt is a lot. Imagine the interest.

“Hey! Don’t call me a lowlife!” Mammon snarls. “Listen, human. You remember my advice from before about what do when demons attack? Well, you’re about to witness that for real. So…time for you to die, because if it’s either you or me, it ain’t gonna be me!”

My mouth pops open in disbelief.

“Hold on. I thought your advice was to either un away or-“ Levi starts but before he could finish his sentence, Mammon darts away. “Wh…dammit, Mammon! That ass…he ran off!”

“You’re supposed to be my guardian or something!” I scream after him.

“Do you realize what just happened? Mammon used you as a distraction to get away from me. Or maybe I should say he used you as a _sacrifice_.”

I shudder at the word ‘sacrifice’.

"I’ll admit that Mammon is one of the scummiest scumbags you’ll ever meet…a total lowlife. But still, that was pretty dumb of you letting him use you like that.”

“Excuse me, but I didn’t exactly agree to any of this.” I snort.

Levi sighs. “This is _exactly_ why humans are-“ He stops mid-sentence. A devious smile stretching across his face. “Wait a second. _Humans_ …yes, that’s it… Suddenly, I’ve got an idea. Listen, are you free right now? Of course you are. You’ve gotta be, right? You know what? Never mind. Either way, _you’re coming with me_.”

“I never agreed to this!” I shout.

Levi grabs my arm and starts dragging me up the right staircase. I curse, his grip on my arm strong. Stronger than I thought given his bean like structure. A ding emits from my pocket and I bring out my D.D.D. A new message from Mammon appears on screen.

Mammon: Heya, I suddenly remembered I have some business I gotta take care of. So, if ya need something, just ask Levi.

Mammon: Winking red demoji

Mammon: Oh, and just to make sure… Don’t go around tellin’ stuff to Lucifer, ya got that?

Mammon: Blue bird demoji with wide red eyes

I send the exact same demoji back.

Mammon: Shaking, nervous red-hooded demoji

“That bastard.” I growl, shoving my phone into my pocket.

We arrive in front of a door that is practically right across from the stairwell. Levi opens the door and the smell of saltwater assaults my senses. Levi shoves me into his room, looks around the hallway, then slams the door behind him. When he turns around, I give him a suspicious stare.

“What’s that now? You want to know why I looked around to see if anyone was watching before I closed the door?”

“Yes, although I don’t know why you need to narrate the whole process to me.” I reply.

“Why do you _think_ I did it?! Isn’t it obvious?! Imagine what would happen if someone saw me inviting _you_ into my room! A _human_ who doesn’t even look like an _otaku_ , but a _normie_! You know what people would say, right?!”

“Are you worried people might gossip?” I raise an eyebrow. I wouldn’t have pegged him as someone who would care about his social status.

“Of…of c-c-c…of c-c-course not! Th…th-that’s crazy! There’s room in my heart for only one person, and she’s animated! I’ll always stay faithful to my dear, sweet Ruri-chan, always! Why would people gossip?! I mean, me and some non-otaku-some normie?! And not only that, a _three-dimensional_ one from the real world?! It’s insane, that’s what it is!”

As Levi rants some more about ‘normies’ and gossip and otaku’s I notice a bookcase entirely filled with hardcover books as thick as encyclopedias. One such reads _The Tale of the Seven Lords: The Lord of Shadow Awakens_.

“What is it, human? What’re you looking at?” Levi asks. Following my line of sight, he lights up. “Wait, that looks like… _The Tale of the Seven Lord_. Are you a fan of that, too?”

“Huh?” I utter. “Never heard of it.”

Levi shakes his head, a look of utter disgust crosses his face. “Excuse me? You don’t know TSL? And you call yourself a human?! Just how clueless _are_ you?! How could you not know?! Just the fact that you don’t know TSL alone is proof that you’ve been wasting your life! So, I’m going to do you a favor and teach you about TSL. Make sure you pay attention!”

Levi smiles and begins to explain the _basic_ overview of TSL to me. Basically it’s a series of fantasy novels (138 volumes!) written by some guy named Christopher Peugeot. He proceeds to go on a mini tangent about the history, it’s animated/play write versions of it then starts going on about the Lord of Shadows. Apparently the oldest is the Lord of Corruption, a sadist. The Lord of Fools, a scumbag. The Lord of Shadows, a brooding recluse. The Lord of Masks, an inhuman monster behind a nice façade. The Lord of Lechery, who only thinks of sex. The Lord of Flies, who only thinks of food. And finally the Lord of Emptiness, a weirdo.

These characters all sound very familiar. Like I’ve just recently met them…

He then shows me his pet goldfish named after the main protagonist of the TSL series, Henry.

“But I can’t really high-five a goldfish, can I?” Levi looks on sadly. “The original author of TSL, Christopher Peugeot, he’s actually a human, you know? That’s why I’m so jealous of you guys. Humans are so lucky. You’ve got subscription services that let you watch your favorite anime anytime, you can go to Akihabara whenever you want… Why do only you guys get to experience all the good stuff?...”

He starts complaining about how lucky humans are and how unlucky he is. However, throughout the tangent, I note that he only talks about Japan, not the other countries. So maybe he’s jealous of people who live in Japan?

“…Actually, you know what? I want to _be_ Henry!” Levi exclaims loudly.

“Right! Screw all the normies! Who needs ‘em?” I say, hoping he will get to the point so I can leave.

“Yeah, screw ‘em!” Levi smiles, then seems to catch himself, coughing into his sleeve. “All right, enough. This is starting to depress me. I didn’t bring you here to tell you about TSL. I don’t think there’s any harm in just coming out and saying what you already know is true: mammon is a complete and utter scumbag. It’s very important you understand this. So I’ll say it one more time.” Levi takes in a deep breath. “Mammon is a _hopeless_ , _worthless_ , _scumbag_!

“I lent that scumbag money, and now I want him to pay me back. But being the scumbag that he is, he won’t do it. I wish I could force him to, but despite what a rotten waste of space he is, Mammon’s still the second oldest.”

Oh yeah, he’s still the second oldest.

“I wish I could force him to, but despite what a rotten waste of space he is, Mammon’s still the second oldest. As the third oldest, no matter how hard I try, I don’t stand a chance against him.” Levi moans.

“How did you and Mammon become enemies anyway?” I ask.

“Well, it’s a long story, but sure. I’ll tell you, human.”

I’m getting really sick of this ‘human’ business.

“Once, a long time ago, Mammon won a prize in a convenience store promotional campaign. If you bought something, they let you reach into a box and pull out a piece of paper that told you what you’d won. And the prize Mammon won was a Seraphina figurine, something I would’ve died to have. But, despite the fact that Mammon had no interest in it at all, he refused to give it to me. Why, you ask? Because I wanted it…that’s it. That was the only reason. I wanted it, and he said no just to torment me. I mean how awful is that?!

“So, I got to thinking…Mammon’s going to end up treating Seraphina like some random piece of junk. That much is a given. I can maybe handle it if he at least leaves her in her original packaging, but what if he actually takes her out of the box?! He might just do it! And if he does, he’ll get dust on her, won’t he?! I decided I had to save Seraphina, so I snuck into mammon’s room in the middle of the night. And what do you think I saw there?!

“You’re not gonna believe it. He didn’t open the box… No, it’s way worse than that. He hadn’t even taken it out of the plastic convenience store bag, which he’d tossed on the floor of his room. The _floor_! He actually left _Seraphina_ on the _floor_! The Queen of the High Elves Herself! Sure, she seems cold and prideful at first, but once you get her alone, you find out that she really wants affection, she just doesn’t know how to admit it and it’s soooo cute! Yet Mammon just threw her on the floor! And I don’t think he cleaned it in three months. It was covered in junk. Old empty cup ramen containers, tissues with dried snot and…and boogers in them. Stuff was strewn everywhere. And there she was, lying there amongst all of that! On the _floor_! Tossed aside like so much junk! How _could_ he?!”

Levi was now screaming in rage.

“It was so awful that I just lost it, and flew into a rage. I walked straight over to Mammon, who was lying on his bed asleep. Then I raised my leg up into the air over him and brought my heel down onto his stomach as hard as I could. But the next thing I knew, he wasn’t there on the bed anymore. It all happened so fast.” Levi whimpered, closing his eyes as he remembered that night. “He moved with incredible speed. He grabbed me, picked me up, and slammed me headfirst into the floor in a pile driver. And the worst part is that he was _stark naked_!”

…I didn’t need to know that last part.

“As I started to lose consciousness, I remember thinking…why does he have to sleep in the nude? He could at least put on some underwear. I don’t remember anything else after that…”

What a chilling story.

“You’ve seen just how fast he is yourself, haven’t you? No one aside from Lucifer or Beel has that kind of speed. But if, say, a _human_ made a _pact_ with Mammon, and bound him to their service then he’d have to do whatever that human told him to. Which means that if you make a pact with Mammon and then ordered him to give me back my money, he wouldn’t have any choice but to do it!”

“What’s a pact?” I utter stupidly.

“A pact, with a demon… Haven’t you seen that in movies and such? The demon lends his strength to a human to make their wish come true in exchange for their soul.”

My jaw drops in horror.

"I don’t’ want to give up my soul!” I screech. Or, at least the pieces of my soul.

“That isn’t always necessary. It depends on what’s in the pact. But, well, you need to give _something_ to the demon to make it worth the exchange, so it’s pretty much inevitable. If you don’t want to give up your soul, then I’ll tell you how you can negotiate with Mammon. Also, I’m sure it would be useful having him as your servant. I mean, despite how awful he is, he’s still a powerful demon. But I bet you feel worried, being dragged down here to the Devildom and all. So I don’t think it would end up being a bad deal for you, either. Don’t you agree?”

I hum in thought. Mammon, as my servant. That does sound pretty nice.

"Yeah! All right, I’ll go give it a shot!” I smile.

Levi frowns worriedly. “Are you really optimistic by nature, or are you too stupid to know what you’re getting into?”

“Rude, I just agreed to potentially giving up my soul to get a pact and you call me stupid. I might just change my mind.” I huff.

“Regardless,” Levi ignores me, “if I’m being honest, I don’t really care what _you_ think. What’s important is that I have a plan, and I’m going to explain it to you now. So, shut up and listen.

“If you just walk up to Mammon and ask him to make a pact with you, he’ll never agree. No, you need some leverage…a _bargaining chip_. You’re going to offer him something in return…

“Something he wants so badly that he’d do _anything_ to get it…” Levi smiles devilishly as he ushers me over to his computer. He plops onto his gaming chair as he starts typing rapidly as I just stand around, watching him. Levi points to the screen.

“This,” he says, “is what you’re going to get.”

And all I have to say is:

“This is utter bullshit.”

* * *

Finally, Levi lets me out of his room and escorts me to mine. It’s apparently down the freaking hall to the left of Levi’s room…and away from everybody else’s. How convenient for them.

“Don’t forget the plan,” Levi says as he turns around to go back to his room. “I’m counting on you!”

Well isn’t that just the sound of love?

Sighing, I turn the knob on my door and enter my new room for the next year. The room itself looks pretty plain. Stone walls and wood floors, a simple bed with pink and purple bedsheets and pillows all over the bed, as if hastily thrown onto the bed. A tree with soft glowing lanterns is tangled in the bed posts. An oaken table with 8 chairs on my left with a bookshelf shaped like a coffin and a dresser. On my left a pink couch facing a wall-mounted flat screen, and two doors. The first door leads to a giant walk-in closet and the other leads to my own bathroom.

hank god I wouldn’t have to share a bathroom with any of these guys.

As I roam around the room, I begin to notice that my belonging are here as well. A shiver runs down my spine as I think about them invading my personal space and transporting all my belongings here. Going to the walk-in closet, I make a note of how bare it is besides the three spare uniforms already in here. Grabbing a sleeve of one, I run my fingers over the fabric. Finding the material to be quite soft. Soft as silk.

“I really am in hell.”


	3. The Demon's Weakness is My Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn exploits Mammon's weakness and gains a pact.

Perhaps I should’ve locked the door as I’m rudely awakened by Mammon bursting through the door and screaming at me to wake up.

What a lovely morning.

“Yo, human!” Mammon screams as I roll over, groaning in annoyance. “Wake up!” Mammon yanks the blankets off me and tosses them haphazardly across the room.

“What the fuck!” I shout, the cold air hitting me like a freight train.

“Lucifer’s gonna be real pissed at me if I don’t get ya up and ready for school on time.” Mammon tugs me out of bed as my feet hit the cold stone floor. He leads me over to the closet and brings out a black jacket with medals and a red cape, a dark green, button-up shirt, a red tie, a black, button-up skirt, black stockings, and a pair of Mary Janes. Shoving them unceremoniously into my arms, and tossing a messenger bag at me for extra d*ck points, he turns to take his leave. “Get dressed quickly. If ya don’t, I’ll dress ya myself!” And with that, he slams the door behind him.

The thought of Mammon sends shivers of fear down my spine. And with that thought in mind I get dressed in under 1 minute.

Mammon’s standing by my door as I exit, smoothing down the skirt. He eyes me for a second before saying, “that was quick.”

Shaking my head, I reply, “Just take me to the dining room.

Mammon, as I should’ve learned from yesterday, is a talker. No joke, in the couple of minutes it takes to walk from my room he starts babbling about how RAD sucks. Pushing open the doors, I’m greeted with more chaos.

Lucifer (who was wearing the uniform but had a black button-up turtle neck) was sipping coffee while reading the “RAD Newspaper”, Asmo was taking selfies on his phone, Levi seemed to be playing a mobile game as he didn’t notice Beel (who had his coat sleeves rolled up, and was missing a tie) swiping his food and Satan (who wore a pale green bowtie instead of a necktie) was reading a book while simultaneously batting away Beel’s hands. Mammon took a seat to the right of Lucifer (head of the table) while I sat between Mammon and Beel.

The food itself looked like something out of Hotel Transylvania. Some greenish looking eggs, black frog looking legs, and identifiable blue sausage and a disk that looked like a pancake stared back at me. Swallowing the growing fear that maybe this is how I’ll die. I start on the pancake. Taking a bite, I nearly spit it out. The flavor was so tart and sweet and sour and…

“If you don’t want it, I’ll eat it.” Beel rumbled through a mouth full of food.

Nodding, I push the deceitful “pancake” towards Beel, who devoured it within a blink of an eye.

Breakfast proceeded normally, with the occasional conversation amongst the brothers and Beel stealing from his brother’s plates. I took a bite of my breakfast just to try it, and found that the greenish eggs tasted like a marshmallow. It was the only thing I completely ate at breakfast. When everybody was done, Beel gathered the empty plates and took them to the kitchen as the rest of us went to school.

The walk to RAD wasn’t much to note about. Just a ten-minute walk of Mammon rambling on about whatever is on his mind. When we reached the gates of RAD, Mammon turned to me, saying, “I showed you around RAD before, so ya know how to get to class, right?”

“Uh…” I utter.

“Great!” He beamed. “See ya later!” And started blending in with the crowd.

“Hey, wait!” I called too late. Huffing, I enter the building and try to remember where I needed to go when I see two students gossiping nearby.

“Hey, check it out!” One of them loudly whispers, pointing to me. “ _That’s_ the human that everyone’s been talking about. You think it’s true what they say, that _Mammon_ became a babysitter?”

The other demon said, “Well, if so, then I’d say that actually works out great, doncha think?” The other demon grinned, licking their lips. “If we wait and strike when he’s not paying attention, he’ll never figure out it was us. C’mon, we should devour the human before Beel does.”

The two demons start stalking towards me as I grip my bag tighter, shrugging it off my shoulders and getting ready to use it as a flail as I quicken my pace.

“Hey, you there!” a voice calls amongst the crowd. Looking around, I spot a man with silver hair point at me. Looking around, I point to myself in disbelief. “That’s right, I’m talking to you, the human with that frightened, tormented look on your face that demons love so much.”

Oh, geez. I _wonder_ why I have this “frightened, tormented look” as well. Oh wait, it’s because _I’m about to be eaten_!

“You’re practically screaming “Come and eat me! I’m scrumptious!” Your name’s Evelyn, isn’t it?”

I really want to punch you.

“This D.D.D. here belongs to you, right? I saw you drop it just now. Here, take it.” He holds out my D.D.D. that must’ve slipped out (or he pick-pocketed me) and I take it, glaring at him suspiciously.

“What’s with that look?” He laughs. “There’s no need to be suspicious of me. My name’s Solomon. I’m an exchange student from the human world, just like you.”

Considering the fact that you seem _extremely_ amused by a fellow human about to be eaten, I highly doubt it.

“Nice to meet you, Evelyn.”

“Oh, so _you’re_ Salmon!” I gasp dramatically. I really needed sleep if I mistook Solomon for Salmon.

“I assure you, my name is _not_ Salmon.” He says, eyeing me.

“Are you really human?” I eye him suspiciously.

“Haha, good question. Honestly, there are times when even I’m not so sure. Long ago, I obtained a ring of wisdom-a gift from a certain someone in a _very_ high position. And, drunk on its power, I used it to form pacts with 72 different demons, becoming a _wicked sorcerer_ … That is, if you believe the stories people tell about me.” He shrugs. “Regardless, I’m fairly sure that I am indeed still human, though it may not seem like it.” He looks around and frowns. “Uh-oh, I’d better get going. See you around, Evelyn. Take care of yourself.” And with a final wave, he disappears.

What an odd person.

Who is now on my shit list.

“Good morning, Evelyn.” Lucifer says.

I scream and turn around as Lucifer crosses his arms.

“You’ve become quite the celebrity here, haven’t you?” He smirks. “Looks like you made it through the night without being eaten. Good for you. Still, there’s no guarantee that you’ll make it to tomorrow.” Lucifer frowns, and glances over to where Solomon disappeared. “Was that Solomon I saw you talking with earlier? You And he are the only two students from the human world here.”

Ah, so he is human.

“Seeing as you’re both human, it’s fine if you associate with him, but know that he can’t be trusted. He may be a mere human, but he has a ring imbued with wisdom, and he wields powerful magic. He’s the type of man who will try to subjugate even a powerful, greater demon if he gets the chance.”

Luckily, I don’t trust anyone.

Speaking of which,that reminds me of what Leviathan said…

 _“Lucifer has something that Mammon wants, something he’d kill to get…”_ Leviathan’s voice fills my head, like he was standing right next to me.

“What is it, Evelyn? Is there something you want to ask me?” Lucifer asks, cocking his head.

“I’d like to know more about Mammon.” I say. _Perhaps Lucifer might tell me something interesting about Mammon that I can use._

“Mammon?” Lucifer frowns, eyes widening in surprise. “Why do you want to know about him all of a sudden? Still, I guess it’s only natural, considering he’s the one assigned to look after you.” Lucifer sighs. “Mammon is my brother. I don’t want to say anything unkind about him. So, I’ll try to be sparing in my criticism.” He coughs. “He’s pure scum. The scummiest sort of scum. Pure, unfiltered, disgusting scum to the point that I’m embarrassed to call him a fellow demon, much less my brother.”

_Damn son, you harsh!_

“So any particular reason you asked or were you just curious?” He flashes me his cocky smirk as he finishes.

“What sort of weaknesses does Mammon have?” I ask next. 

“Are you implying that you think I know his weaknesses, and can exploit them when I like? Because I suppose that is true in a way.” He shrugs. “However, that’s not the only reason he can’t say no to me. As long as we’re on the subject, it just so happens that I’ve taken one particular _weakness_ of his and _frozen_ it.”

I feel like there’s something very special about his emphasized words.

A loud bell sounds throughout the halls, breaking me from my reverie.

“That’s the first bell. Class is about to start. Time to get going.” Lucifer says and turns to me with a predatory gleam in his eye. “you’d better hurry too. Wouldn’t want to be late on your first day here.” And with the flourish of a man who is extra AF, he turns on his heel and walks away.

* * *

_“There are seven of us brothers in all, and I am the oldest.”_

_“The long and short of it is that us seven brothers all live here together.”_

The oldest is Lucifer.

The second oldest is Mammon.

The third oldest is Leviathan.

The fourth oldest is Satan.

The fifth oldest is Asmodeus.

The sixth oldest is Beelzebub.

But who’s the seventh and youngest?

These are the questions that keep me up on my second night in the Devildom.

A _ding_ pierces the silence of the night.

I reach over to my night stand and squint against the bright screen. The lock screen displays the notification that I had received a text from Levi. Unlocking my D.D.D, I immediately switch to my messages.

Leviathan: _You say Lucifer mentioned having frozen something? Are you absolutely sure that’s what he said?_

Me: _Yep, I’m absolutely sure._

Leviathan: _Come to the kitchen. Right now._

Leviathan: _Don’t tell anyone what you’re doing. I don’t want anyone to mistakenly think that I hang out with some human normie._

Jerk.

Doing as Leviathan says (after slipping on a bra), I head to the kitchen. Getting closer to the entrance, I hear the sounds of eating.

There’s someone else here.

And I’m sure as hell that it’s not Leviathan.

Through deductive reasoning I conclude it’s…

“A ghost!” I gasp.

“Ah, perfect timing.” A large figure is silhouetted against the refrigerator lights and I realize it’s not a ghost. It’s Beel. “Listen, do you have any food on you? Because there’s not nearly enough in the fridge.” A gurgle erupt from his stomach as Beel presses a hand against it, a frown etching his features. “…I’m hungry.”

What am I supposed to do? You ate everything in the fridge.

Oh god, I hope I’m not next.

“Anyway, what’re you doing in the kitchen so late?”

“I’m meeting Leviathan.” I say. Maybe mentioning his name might help me live longer.

“You? Meeting Levi? Really?” Beel’s eyes widen in disbelief. “Huh…that’s surprising.”

Should I ask him about the seventh brother?

“Is there something you want to talk to me about?”

Can Beel read minds?

“Who’s the seventh brother?” I ask.

Beel’s face darkens as he glares at me.

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

“Now listen,” he practically growls. “Don’t you _ever_ mention him in front of Lucifer. Just so we’re clear, I’m not going to tell you anything, either. Lucifer would yell at me if I did. And don’t bother asking any of my brothers, either. No one talks about _him_.” As he finishes, a sad look overcomes his face. “Even though he’s our brother…we have to treat him like he doesn’t exist… It’s not right. But since no one can defy Lucifer…” Beel shakes his head. “You know what? This isn’t any of your business, human.” His face hardens again. “I’m leaving. I’ve already eaten everything there was in the refrigerator now anyway.”

He pushes his way past me, mumbling to himself about a poisoned apple in Lucifer’s study desk.

“Psst…hey!” A voice echoes through the dark.

“Is that you, God…?” I utter to the darkness. Maybe he’s here to save me?

“Seriously? No! Over here! Look!” Levi pushes open a cupboard and climbs out.

“Why are you hiding there?”

“What do you think? Beel was just in here! I can’t have him finding me with _you_ , can I? Wait,” a look of horror and realization overcomes him. “Don’t tell me you mentioned that you were meeting _me_ here?!”

“Yep, I told him.”

I have absolutely no shame.

“Noooo!” Levi screams, gripping his hair as he bends in half. “No no no NO NO! this is _awful_! _Why_ did you have to tell him?! _Why_?! You idiot! You dunce! You…you normie! You dunderheaded normie! What if people start talking, huh? What if they start spreading rumors that I’m secretly meeting up with some human normie in the kitchen at night?! Because Ruri-chan may be animated, but she’s the only girl in my life! The only one!”

“I doubt anybody’s going to be spreading rumors. Besides, he doesn’t seem like the gossip type.” I shrug.

Levi nods and agrees with me. “He doesn’t really care what other people do. But it could be worse, though! What if it’d been Mammon or Asmodeus…?! By tomorrow morning, it wouldn’t just be my brothers gossiping, it’s be all of RAD! Everybody would be like, “have you heard? Leviathan pretends to be a reclusive otaku, but he’s actually hanging out with some human.””

“Levi, Levi! Stop, you’re spiraling and we don’t have time for this!” I hiss, gripping his shoulders and shaking him.

“All right, no more dwelling on that.” He nods, breathing heavily and pushing me off him. “We need to focus on the credit card!

Ah yes, Mammon’s weakness.

“So, it’s really true, right? Lucifer definitely used the word “frozen”? In that case, it could only be hidden in _here_.” Levi gestures to the freezer.

I look at him incredulously. “In the freezer?”

Levi practically crawls into the freezer as he begins his search.

“Hmm…all I see is a bunch of ice inside. Oh wait, look! It’s the ice cream Satan hid from Beel about a century ago. I totally forgot about that. Heh, I’m not about to tell him.” Levi chuckles. “It’d spoil the joke. He’ll probably figure it out in another 2000 years or so, I’d say.”

“You say ‘centuries’ and ‘thousands of years’ like it’s nothing.” I mumble, rocking back and forth on my heels.

“Wait a second. There’s something else there behind the ice.”

With only his legs dangling out of the freezer, I peer around them to see Levi pull out a chunk of ice with something inside it. Dropping back to the ground, I see that there is a credit card inside the ice.

“Found it! Lucifer wasn’t lying. It really _is_ frozen!” Levi laughs. “Ugh, it’s super heavy! And big too! I’m going to put it in the microwave and thaw it.”

I pop open the microwave as Levi drops it into the poor machine. Slamming the door shut, Levi starts fiddling with the buttons.

“Let’s see, I guess about two minutes on auto should do the trick. Now, I’ll hit the start button and let the defrosting begin!” Levi whoops as the microwave starts the thawing process.

“What’s with all the racket, you two?” Mammon mumbles, rubbing his eyes as he walks into the kitchen. A pair of gray sweat pants hang low on his hips and his abs on full display. His eyes widen as he sees what’s inside the microwave. “Hey, wait a minute! There in the microwave… That looks like Goldie, my credit card! My baby! The one thing more important to me than life itself...!”

Dude, wtf!

Maybe Levi was right when he said Mammon was in love with his credit card.

“Get it outta there before the microwave demagnetizes it and makes it useless!” Mammon orders, pointing his finger at the machine.

“Ooh, didn’t think about that. Better stop the defrost cycle, I guess.” Levi hums as he pops open the door on the microwave and grabs the still large chunk of ice.

“Levi, you _idiot_! How could you do somethin’ so stupid?! You’re dumb as a stump, ya know that?!”

“Hmm, are you _sure_ you should be talking to me like that, Mammon? After all, _I’m_ the one who found the credit card Lucifer took from you.”

Mammon’s mouth snaps shut.

“So, do you want me to give you your card back?”

“You’d better!” Mammon shouts before remembering the situation. “…Um, I mean yes, please. Please give it back, Leviathan, sir…!” Mammon gets down on his knees, clasping his hands together as he pleads with Levi to give him his credit card.

“Oh wow, this is embarrassing! I can’t believe that’s all it took for you to abandon your pride! You’re one of the seven rulers of the Devildom, Mammon. Shouldn’t you be ashamed of yourself? Well, whatever.” Levi shrugs, weighing the melting block in his hands. “If you want your card back, you’ve got to give me the Seraphina figurine you won at the convenience store.”

Mammon blinks, bewildered.

“The Sera…what now?” Mammon furrows his brows, eyes flickering towards the credit card. “What’re you talkin’ about? I don’t remember winnin’ anything.”

“I don’t believe this! You forgot that you even have her! How could you?!” Levi screams.

Maybe I should get myself a glass of water. This is going to take a while. The ice is nearly completely gone from the credit card anyway.

“Ugh, c’mon, enough! _Whatever you want_ , I’ll give it to ya!” Mammon pleads, hands reaching towards Levi. “Just give me back my credit card!”

“All right, but there’s one more condition: _I want you to make a pact with this human_.” Levi shoves me in front of him like a human shield.

Ha, a human shield.

“Right, a pact, fine. I’m more than happy to do whatever you…” Mammon starts nodding before realizing what was just said. “Wait, _what_?! Why d’ya want _me_ to make a _pact_?!”

“Think about it: if you make the pact with Evelyn, you’ll have to do whatever you’re told, right? Then Evelyn’ll order you to give me my money back immediately. And since you can’t refuse a direct order from your master, you’ll do exact that. _Game over, I win_!”

“Pfft, I don’t believe this. It’s just money, Levi I can’t believe you’d go through all this trouble!”

“Excuse me? Remind me again which one of us tossed aside what little pride he had left, all to get his hands on a _credit card_?”

“Hey, you shut up! And you, human. What’re ya thinking, lettin’ Levi use you like this? Are you stupid? Go on, say somethin’!”

“Make a pact with me, Mammon.” I say, stepping forward. _So, I can shut you up and go to bed._

“Uh-uh!” Mammon shakes his head like a dog. “No way! Not interested! I amt he Great Mammon, Avatar of Greed, one of the seven rulers of the Devildom! Fool…do you actually think I’d let some _human_ be the boss of me?”

“Oh _Luuuucifeeer_! Mammon’s here unfreezing his credit caaard!” Levi calls in a sing-song voice.

“I mean, _of course_!” Mammon laughs nervously. “I’ll make a pact with you, human! _I’d be thrilled to_!”

Mammon starts chanting some words in a language I can’t speak. When he finishes, I feel a tingly sensation flood through my body and a golden mark glows on the palm of my right hand before disappearing from view.

I now have a pact with Mammon.

* * *

Bonus

“Read ‘em and weep. It’s a straight flush.” Solomon slams his cards down on the table with a flourish.

“Ugh, I don’t believe it! All I needed was the ace of spades!” Asmodeus whines, dropping his cards and pouting.

“So, Solomon wins again, huh? How many times in a row is that?” Satan frowns, tossing his cards back onto the pile.

“That makes 183 wins for me now.” Solomon beams, oblivious to the sulking demons sitting across from him.

“Are you using some sort of magic? Like a spell that alters the appearance of the cards in your hand?” Asmodeus sighs.

“Now, now. I’m not like you demons. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t accuse me of behaving like one. I am but a simple human, an innocent lamb.”

“I’m surprised you can say that with a straight face.” Satan crosses his arms. “Considering you’re the most powerful sorcerer in the history of mankind.”

“Wow, is that really what you think, Satan? I have to say, I’m honored.” Solomon smirks, tapping his chin. “Still, if Mammon were here, he might have broken up my record-breaking winning streak.”

“True. As soon as money is involved, it’s as if a switch flips inside of him. He’ll make sure it ends up his, almost like some sort of superpower.”

“Mm, you’re right.” Asmodeus agrees. “Considering he’s usually such a dolt.”

“All of you are always putting down Mammon, aren’t you?” Solomon frowns. “Shouldn’t you be a _bit_ more respectful? After all, he _is_ your older brother.”

“Oh, speaking of Mammon, that reminds me: I heard something interesting from Lucifer.” Satan hums.

“So, you’re going to pretend you didn’t hear what I said?”

“He said that Evelyn is trying to make a pact with Mammon, apparently.”

“What? Evelyn?” Asmodeus jerks up in surprise. “Make a pact with Mammon?”

“Huh, interesting…” Solomon smirks.

“Are you for real?! That’s hilarious! What else do you know? Time to dish up some details, Satan.”

“According to Lucifer, Evelyn has teamed up with Levi. They’re planning on making a deal with Mammon to get what they want. It seems they’re looking for that credit card of his-the one Lucifer confiscated.” Satan smirks, amusement glittering in his eyes.

“I see. So, they plan to pressure him to enter into a pact in exchange for the credit card, then.” Solomon sums up.

“Wait, back up a second.’ Asmodeus shakes his head. “Before we even get to that, there’s a lot to unpack here! What’s all this about Levi teaming up with Evelyn?! I mean we’re talking about _Levi_ , the super otaku who never comes out of his room! Is he really capable of working together with a real live person?! Also, how exactly does Lucifer know all this?”

“Apparently Evelyn spoke to Lucifer directly, trying to figure out where the credit card is.” Satan puts a hand to his chin in thought.

“What?!” Asmodeus exclaims as Solomon bursts out laughing. “What’s so funny about that?”

“Well, it’s quite the turn of events, now isn’t it? I can’t help but think that Evelyn really shows a lot of promise.” Solomon grins.

“Well, Lucifer must’ve felt the same way because he said that he gave Evelyn a _hint_ about the card’s whereabouts.” Satan’s grin matching Solomon’s.

“Wait, he actually did that? Wow, he must really have taken a liking to Evelyn.” Asmodeus thinks back to the meeting with the absolute mess of a human yesterday. “Do you think Mammon will agree to a pact if it means he gets his credit card back?”

“Knowing him, probably yes.” Solomon shrugs.

“Yep.” Satan agrees. “Though he’ll likely throw quite the tantrum over it first.

“Why is it that all of you act like entering into a pact is this huge thing? I mean, making a pact with a human isn’t actually such a big deal.” Asmodeus gestures to himself and Solomon. “Take Solomon and me, for example. We’re in a pact together already, right? Oh, and he’s got one with Barbatos, too.”

“Yes. I’ve been very fortunate.”

“I’d say you and Barbatos are part of a small minority in that regard. Generally, demons are very proud fold, after all.” Satan adds.

“Regardless, I can’t afford to be complacent, can I? Otherwise, Evelyn might beat me to the punch and forge a pact with _Lucifer_ before I can.”

“You say that, but you don’t seem the least bit concerned to me.”

“I wouldn’t read too much into that.” Asmodeus smiles cheerfully. “It’s the way Solomon is.”

“I’m not in any particular rush, no. But I am very interested to see where this is going.” Solomon adds.

“I’m shocked enough that Lucifer is showing interest in someone _besides Diavolo_ , much less a _human_.”

“Guess he’s added a new favorite person to his list to go along with Mammon.” Satan said.

“Ah, speaking of how much Lucifer loves Mammon, I seem to remember something sort of like this happening once before.”


End file.
